Pelvic Preparation

We’ve Trained Ourselves to Hold On — But Birth Asks Us to Let Go

Most of us have been taught — consciously or not — to hold it all in. To squeeze, to tighten, to lift.

We’ve trained our pelvic floors to pull up and in, to stay clenched, to stay “in control.” And while this may help us in a Pilates class or when we're trying not to sneeze — it does not help us birth a baby.

Tight Is Not the Goal in Birth

A strong pelvic floor isn’t the same as a tight one. When you give birth, your pelvic floor needs to stretch, soften, and open to make space for your baby. If it’s trained only to lift and hold, without the counterbalance of release and flow, that tension can create resistance, physically and energetically, during birth.

So while many women focus on strengthening (and rightly so), we also need to focus on softening, releasing and letting go.

Birth Isn’t Just About Strength — It’s About Safety

Tension in the body is often linked to the nervous system. When we don’t feel safe, whether that's emotionally, physically, or spiritually, we tighten. We clench. We pull in and protect.

This is especially true for the pelvis — a deeply emotional, intuitive part of our body.

The pelvis is not just the bony structure that supports our body; it is an energetic and emotional centre that holds deep layers of our life experience. In many holistic and somatic traditions, the pelvis is seen as a vessel for emotion, creativity, and safety. The muscles of the pelvic floor, in particular, are deeply connected to our nervous system. They can contract and hold tension in response to stress, fear, and unresolved emotions, often without our conscious awareness. Over time this can contribute to tightness, pain, and a disconnection from this vital part of our body.

That’s why learning not only how to strengthen the pelvic floor, but also how to release, soften, and let go is so essential. Just as we need strength and support for stability and function, we equally need the ability to let go and relax, especially in preparation for birth. A supple, responsive pelvic floor allows for ease of movement, supports emotional wellbeing, and helps create the space needed for the birthing process. Releasing held tension can also invite the release of stored emotions, facilitating healing on both a physical and emotional level which helps us come home to a more balanced and integrated sense of self.

The pelvic area can be where we store fear, trauma, shame, and control.

But it’s also such a vital part of birth.

If you've never learned to soften in your everyday life, if you’ve only ever been in control, then how can you expect your body to open and let go during birth?

The Emotional Impact: Control vs Trust

Emotionally, many women feel safer in control but birth requires something different .... it requires trust.

Letting go of control can feel scary, vulnerable and for some impossible.This is why birth preparation must go deeper than knowledge. It must help you feel safe to let go both emotionally and physically. It must help you build new patterns, where softening doesn’t feel like losing control instead it feels like coming home.

The Physical Impact: Tension Slows the Flow

A chronically tight pelvic floor can interfere with the natural descent of the baby and even contribute to longer or more difficult labours.

But when your body knows how to soften, when the pelvic floor is trained not just to contract but to release, it can expand and open with ease. Breathwork, movement, and relaxation practices can help the muscles of the pelvic floor learn this rhythm — the dance between control and surrender.

The Spiritual Impact: Opening to Birth and Beyond

Spiritually, birth is a portal and your pelvis is the gateway. When you birth, you aren’t just bringing a baby earthside you are crossing a threshold yourself ..... from maiden to mother. This requires a kind of opening that isn’t just physical. It’s an invitation to trust your body, your instincts, and your own deep wisdom. It’s the release of who you were, so you can become who you are meant to be.

Breathe for Birth: Teaching the Art of Softening

At Breathe for Birth, we honour the whole woman — body, mind, and soul.

We don’t just teach birth knowledge. We guide you into embodiment.

Into learning how to feel safe letting go.

How to soften your pelvic floor.

How to release tension and make space for flow.

How to trust yourself, deeply and fully.

This isn’t just about preparing for birth.

It’s about returning to yourself.

📖 Ready to go deeper in your birth preparation?

Explore the Breathe for Birth – Maiden to Mother audio course or join one of our in-person workshops to begin softening, trusting, and preparing in a whole new way.

Melissa x